Noe Valley Spa

Worst massage I’ve ever had. I asked for gentle pressure, which doesn’t mean no pressure. The woman who did my massage must have been new because she had no idea what the hell she was doing. She literally just put some lotion on me. It didn’t even feel like a massage. And she didn’t do the massage in a sequence the way I’ve had them done here in the past. And to try to communicate preferences is hard because of the major language barrier which made this even more of a frustrating experience. The only thing she knew how to say to me at the end was "where is my tip? Give to me now." Which kind of irritated me since we had just finished the massage and I was going to add it to my receipt on the way out. She was very pushy about it too, which I didn’t appreciate. Overall, the whole experience was awful this time and I can’t believe I spent that much money to not even have a decent massage.

Worst massage ever. The therapist was nice but I don’t think she is even a real massage therapist. I thought I was the only one until I read the other review. The other facilities are awesome but the massage was 0/10. She just placed her hand and went back and forth I actually felt worse after cos of the anger I felt

Had Kenny. Deep tissue massage. It was amazing. Highly recommend coming for good massage. Space is clean. Not fancy. Definitely got my knots out. Excellent price for the massage!

The $175 dollar deal for two people that includes two 60 minute massages and an hour in a private hot tub is a good deal. The massages are good but the spa could use some updating. It's a bit old

be warned they’re closed until 1/7/22 i’ve heard good things about the spa.. but unfortunately never got to find out. they’re currently closed for spa repair until the 7th. but never called me to let me know, so I showed up and found this sign. i’m disappointed because I would expect some sort of communication if possible. they may not have taken my phone number when I made the reservation but I think that they should. l plan go to back when they’re open

Carlos is a great guy very personable and amazing customer service clean clean clean and absolutely private. Private and sauna great place to relax

TLDR: I just got the worst massage of my life, with a masseuse who didn't listen to my feedback, checked her phone's audible notifications multiple times during the massage, and then when I tipped her $10 out of sheer pity, DEMANDED a higher tip. I should have been wary at the price of $170 for two massages and an hour in the private hot tub, but I wanted to believe. The hot tub was fine, but immediately after that, everything went wrong. We were taken out of the hot tub, even though they were not ready to proceed with a massage. They didn't have a waiting area, so they put us in a different massage room to wait, and we were not offered any water throughout our 2 hour experience. I was then escorted to a massage room where I started to undress. The masseuse knocked on the door after about 20 seconds, and I was not ready. I said "just a minute" and jumped under the sheet, when she proceeded to immediately enter the room without my consent. She was wearing a mask, which I do appreciate. Then the massage began - she did not ask me if I had any injuries or sensitive areas to avoid (I do). Her movements were so fast and careless they were creating uncomfortable warm friction on my skin, despite using too much oil. Her reckless speed also caused her nails to accidentally dig into my skin several times throughout the process. Over the course of the massage, I tried to give feedback at least 3 times, which were all ignored. Once was when she put the hot towel on my back and I said it was "too hot" and she repeated "too hot?" and laughed, and kept rubbing it on me. I want to believe there was a language barrier, but she literally repeated the words back to me - did she think I was joking? Her English was sufficient enough at the end when she demanded a higher tip, but we'll get there. A few minutes in, her phone made a loud, audible "ding", and she left the table briefly. I assumed it was to embarrassingly turn her phone on silent, but then it dinged again a minute later. She stopped again, and this time she did turn it to vibrate, but then she put it on a hard wooden surface, and I heard it vibrate loudly no less than 6 more times throughout the massage, and in most of those instances, she briefly stopped the massage to check it. Throughout the massage, I was waiting, hoping that she would do anything that actually felt nice, then I could tell her to just "keep doing that". Finally it happened, and I asked, but once again my feedback was ignored, and I spent the entire massage thinking that if I wasn't so embarrassed, I would actually prefer to just get up and leave. When it finally ended, I generously gave her a $10 tip because I'm not a monster, and then she rudely demanded more. I tried to decline, but she insisted - the receptionist was present for part of this interaction and agreed with her. I angrily gave her another $10 and immediately walked out. My girlfriend got a massage from a different (male) masseuse and said it was "fine", so if you do go, you can request a male if you don't want to roll the dice on getting this terrible masseuse.